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September 19, 2013 - Five months in no-man's land...by Dad
September 19, 2013 - Five months in no-man's land...by Dad
I feel stuck between yesterday, today and tomorrow.
Yesterday - the Beatles said it well:
Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away;
Now it looks as though they're here to stay;
Oh, I believe in yesterday.
Suddenly, I'm not half the man I used to be;
There's a shadow hanging over me;
Oh, yesterday came suddenly.
Five months ago yesterday became a dream, a wish, a desire ripped from my life as Ian abruptly left our home to enter his eternal home. Yesterday seems like the golden years, the good times, and today feels like I am stuck in mire and muck.
Today - How to live with the shadow covering so much of life? Exacerbated by memories, pictures, hopes and dreams? How to live maimed emotionally, spiritually and physically by the loss of Ian? How to find a new normal - when you just want yesterday? David Crowder reminds me that the shadow may be not just grief, but the very presence and protection of God (and yes Ian, as you would often tell me, it is in the key of B like almost all his songs!):
Life is full of light and shadow
O the joy and O the sorrow
O the sorrow
And yet will He bring
Dark to light
And yet will He bring
Day from night
When shadows fall on us
We will not fear
We will remember
When darkness falls on us
We will not fear
We will remember
When all seems lost
When we're thrown and we're tossed
We remember the cost
We rest in Him
Shadow of the cross (Shadows by DCB)
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Be merciful to me, O God, be merciful to me, for in you my soul takes refuge;
in the shadow of your wings I will take refuge, till the storms of destruction pass by. I cry out to God Most High, to God who fulfills his purpose for me. (Psalms 57:1-2)
Tomorrow - The key must be here. Going back to yesterday is impossible; dwelling in yesterday, today, is madness; ignoring the pain is impossible. Tomorrow must equate with hope - in Christ there is hope, for a future, reunion, joy and endurance for road to get there. In God's promises is the strength and hope for healing. As King David and Bono sang (good company!):
I waited patiently for the Lord;
he inclined to me and heard my cry.
He drew me up from the pit of destruction, out of the miry bog,
and set my feet upon a rock, making my steps secure.
He put a new song in my mouth,
a song of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear,
and put their trust in the Lord. (Psalms 40:1-3)
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How long to sing this song?
How long to sing this song?
How long...how long...how long...I long to sing a new song. (40 by U2)
Lord, draw me out of the pit, put a new song in my mouth, glorify Your Name. Lead me from my yesterday to Your tomorrow - please do this starting today. Until then I will be:
waiting for our blessed hope, the appearing of the glory of our great God and Savior Jesus Christ, who gave himself for us to redeem us from all lawlessness and to purify for himself a people for his own possession who are zealous for good works. (Titus 2:13-14)
Yesterday, today, tomorrow....
July 26, 2013
Music has been a uniting force in our family. We all have our favorites, early on it was "Message in a Bottle" for Daniel Edward Zientek Pogue, "Janie's Got a Gun" for Caylea Pogue (yes be a bit afraid!), the Chile Peppers for Ian Redeemed Pogue, anything by Third Day for Lanette Pogue and The Who's whole repertoire for me. These tastes evolved through CD purchases, Spirit West Coast, ACL, and other concerts. Regardless, when we couldn't understand each other - a song would help close the gap.
Ian in particular was a person who was fueled by and exuded music. He went through all phases of music styles loving them all - classic rock, new wave, jazz, screamo, blues, soul, indie, worship, and even a bit of country (poor kid...). I see him and hear him in lyrics of songs, in the back beat, the riff and melody. Sharing music with Ian - whether listing to a song in his car, via video on YouTube on his computer, having an impromptu concert in the living room, or playing with him in a band at the Stone was a special experience - it was in music that his heart was revealed.
From time to time, I would like to share some songs that express to me who Ian is, what he valued, and how we feel since he has gone home to be with our Father in Heaven. Here they are in reverse order so the newest is always on top.
Ian in particular was a person who was fueled by and exuded music. He went through all phases of music styles loving them all - classic rock, new wave, jazz, screamo, blues, soul, indie, worship, and even a bit of country (poor kid...). I see him and hear him in lyrics of songs, in the back beat, the riff and melody. Sharing music with Ian - whether listing to a song in his car, via video on YouTube on his computer, having an impromptu concert in the living room, or playing with him in a band at the Stone was a special experience - it was in music that his heart was revealed.
From time to time, I would like to share some songs that express to me who Ian is, what he valued, and how we feel since he has gone home to be with our Father in Heaven. Here they are in reverse order so the newest is always on top.
Song 3: All My Tears from "Good Monsters" CD - Jars of Clay
Here is a song from Ian Redeemed Pogue's favorite Jars of Clay CD. He would play this CD every morning getting ready for school for well over a year. I think this CD is Caylea Pogue's and maybe Daniel Edward Zientek Pogue's favorite Jars CD too. I let them comment agreement or disagreement on that.
This song is Ian's message to us, his friends and family left behind here in time. My prayer is that it will be our testimony as well.
It didn't matter to Ian where he was buried - he was already home; he was already free. Thanks to all who have celebrated his life by spreading some of Ian in France, England, Portugal, Spain, Poland, Colombia, Kenya, Germany, California, Washington DC, Nashville, Ohio, College Station (pond hopping with our "kids" on the TAMU campus), Wichita Falls, and various places around Austin, e.g. Mount Bonnell, Zilker Park, and other locations. Ian has "got around" for sure!!! But that is not him; he is not here but resting in his Father's arms.
Weep not for Ian, his life belongs to "the First and the Last, the Living One. Who died, and behold Who is alive forevermore, and holds the keys of Death and Hades" (Rev. 1:17-18). He is the One to whom Ian's life belongs, the One who will raise the dead again. So though we may weep because we miss Ian's physical presence, we know he is safe and home. We weep for ourselves and what we miss - but we grieve with a sure hope, that we will rejoice with Ian before God's throne soon. There all our tears will be washed away!
Jars Of Clay
"All My Tears" from "Good Monsters"
When I go, don't cry for me
In my Father's arms I'll be
The wounds this world left on my soul
Will all be healed and I'll be whole.
Sun and moon will be replaced
With the light of Jesus' face
And I will not be ashamed
For my Savior knows my name.
It don't matter where you bury me,
I'll be home and I'll be free.
It don't matter where I lay,
All my tears be washed away.
Gold and silver blind the eye
Temporary riches lie
Come and eat from heaven's store,
Come and drink, and thirst no more
It don't matter where you bury me
I'll be home and I'll be free
It don't matter where I lay
All my tears be washed away
So, weep not for me my friends,
When my time below does end
For my life belongs to Him
Who will raise the dead again.
It don't matter where you bury me,
I'll be home and I'll be free.
It don't matter where I lay,
All my tears be washed away.
This song is Ian's message to us, his friends and family left behind here in time. My prayer is that it will be our testimony as well.
It didn't matter to Ian where he was buried - he was already home; he was already free. Thanks to all who have celebrated his life by spreading some of Ian in France, England, Portugal, Spain, Poland, Colombia, Kenya, Germany, California, Washington DC, Nashville, Ohio, College Station (pond hopping with our "kids" on the TAMU campus), Wichita Falls, and various places around Austin, e.g. Mount Bonnell, Zilker Park, and other locations. Ian has "got around" for sure!!! But that is not him; he is not here but resting in his Father's arms.
Weep not for Ian, his life belongs to "the First and the Last, the Living One. Who died, and behold Who is alive forevermore, and holds the keys of Death and Hades" (Rev. 1:17-18). He is the One to whom Ian's life belongs, the One who will raise the dead again. So though we may weep because we miss Ian's physical presence, we know he is safe and home. We weep for ourselves and what we miss - but we grieve with a sure hope, that we will rejoice with Ian before God's throne soon. There all our tears will be washed away!
Jars Of Clay
"All My Tears" from "Good Monsters"
When I go, don't cry for me
In my Father's arms I'll be
The wounds this world left on my soul
Will all be healed and I'll be whole.
Sun and moon will be replaced
With the light of Jesus' face
And I will not be ashamed
For my Savior knows my name.
It don't matter where you bury me,
I'll be home and I'll be free.
It don't matter where I lay,
All my tears be washed away.
Gold and silver blind the eye
Temporary riches lie
Come and eat from heaven's store,
Come and drink, and thirst no more
It don't matter where you bury me
I'll be home and I'll be free
It don't matter where I lay
All my tears be washed away
So, weep not for me my friends,
When my time below does end
For my life belongs to Him
Who will raise the dead again.
It don't matter where you bury me,
I'll be home and I'll be free.
It don't matter where I lay,
All my tears be washed away.
Song 2: More Than Fine-Switchfoot
When I wake in the morning,
I want to blow into pieces.
I want more than just ok, more than just ok.
When I'm up with the sunrise
I want more than just blue skies.
I want more than just ok, more than just ok.
I'm not giving up, giving up, not giving up now.
I'm not giving up, giving up, not backing down.
More than fine, more than bent on getting by.
More than fine, more than just ok.
When I'm lit with the sunrise.
I want more than just a good time.
I want more than just ok, more than just ok...
Jon Foreman sings of pursuing life with more gusto and lasting purpose than what normally dominates the common, pedestrian approach to life in the 21st century. We seek small things: no hassles, green lights, no flats, no arguments, plenty, no suffering, a modicum of happiness, and a fairy tale ending. As I hear stories, see pictures, and review our conversations, I see that Ian Redeemed Pogue wanted a life that was more than "fine" and spent his time and money investing in depth - deep relationships, meaningful experiences, lasting return, and eternal hope. Just think about his work out approach - he was not giving up to be in shape and drag as many people as possible into shape with him. He pursued holiness with the same energy through accountability groups, giving his resources and time, in private conversations and dragging friends to worship. This may mean he was a "A, B, C" student, got little sleep and was full-on busy - but he sought to suck the marrow out of life. He may have lived 19 years - but those years were definitely "more than fine!" He inspires me to pursue the same set of lasting virtues and live "more than fine!" Now that he sits in the presence of our Father - Ian is certainly "more than fine!!!"
I want to blow into pieces.
I want more than just ok, more than just ok.
When I'm up with the sunrise
I want more than just blue skies.
I want more than just ok, more than just ok.
I'm not giving up, giving up, not giving up now.
I'm not giving up, giving up, not backing down.
More than fine, more than bent on getting by.
More than fine, more than just ok.
When I'm lit with the sunrise.
I want more than just a good time.
I want more than just ok, more than just ok...
Jon Foreman sings of pursuing life with more gusto and lasting purpose than what normally dominates the common, pedestrian approach to life in the 21st century. We seek small things: no hassles, green lights, no flats, no arguments, plenty, no suffering, a modicum of happiness, and a fairy tale ending. As I hear stories, see pictures, and review our conversations, I see that Ian Redeemed Pogue wanted a life that was more than "fine" and spent his time and money investing in depth - deep relationships, meaningful experiences, lasting return, and eternal hope. Just think about his work out approach - he was not giving up to be in shape and drag as many people as possible into shape with him. He pursued holiness with the same energy through accountability groups, giving his resources and time, in private conversations and dragging friends to worship. This may mean he was a "A, B, C" student, got little sleep and was full-on busy - but he sought to suck the marrow out of life. He may have lived 19 years - but those years were definitely "more than fine!" He inspires me to pursue the same set of lasting virtues and live "more than fine!" Now that he sits in the presence of our Father - Ian is certainly "more than fine!!!"
Song 1: Magnificent-U2
July 26, 2013
I was born, I was born
To be with you in this space and time
After that and ever after
I haven't had a clue only to break rhyme
This foolishness can leave a heart black and blue, oh, oh
Only love, only love can leave such a mark
But only love, only love can heal such a scar
I was born, I was born to sing for you
I didn't have a choice but to lift you up
And sing whatever song you wanted me to
I give you back my voice from the womb
My first cry, it was a joyful noise, oh, oh
Only love, only love can leave such a mark
But only love, only love can heal such a scar
Justified, till we die you and I will magnify, oh, oh
Magnificent, magnificent, oh, oh
Ian Redeemed Pogue could join full voice with Bono in this song and groove with the Edge's classic riff and the great bass line laid down by Adam. Of course tunefulness was not Ian's gift, but heart was. He was born to sing and worship Jesus with all his being - in this space and time and ever after. We imagine the music Ian must be composing now in heaven and the songs God has given him to sing. I can't wait to hear them!! Only love hurts this much when we are separated. Only God's love and eternal promises can heal the scars left behind. God you are magnificent. Enjoy the praise offered by Ian, offered by his friends and family even in the midst of tears.
To be with you in this space and time
After that and ever after
I haven't had a clue only to break rhyme
This foolishness can leave a heart black and blue, oh, oh
Only love, only love can leave such a mark
But only love, only love can heal such a scar
I was born, I was born to sing for you
I didn't have a choice but to lift you up
And sing whatever song you wanted me to
I give you back my voice from the womb
My first cry, it was a joyful noise, oh, oh
Only love, only love can leave such a mark
But only love, only love can heal such a scar
Justified, till we die you and I will magnify, oh, oh
Magnificent, magnificent, oh, oh
Ian Redeemed Pogue could join full voice with Bono in this song and groove with the Edge's classic riff and the great bass line laid down by Adam. Of course tunefulness was not Ian's gift, but heart was. He was born to sing and worship Jesus with all his being - in this space and time and ever after. We imagine the music Ian must be composing now in heaven and the songs God has given him to sing. I can't wait to hear them!! Only love hurts this much when we are separated. Only God's love and eternal promises can heal the scars left behind. God you are magnificent. Enjoy the praise offered by Ian, offered by his friends and family even in the midst of tears.
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