“It was the best of times,
it was the worst of times…”
We
have decided this year to begin a mid-year newsletter rather than the
traditional Christmas letters we have done for 21 years – and we are going to
blame Ian
(often “E”
in this newsletter) – and the letter is super long, also E’s fault. To say this year has
been difficult would be a colossal understatement – it has been the most trying
of our individual and family life as the Pogue’s. But as we know He would, God
has shown Himself good and faithful through constant reminders of His presence,
promises and love. He has made what we believed to be the unendurable,
endurable, offering hope that extends to eternity.
Update
letters are normally upbeat, positive and highlight milestones and
accomplishments so that all the readers can rejoice with the sender. This
letter will contain its share of accomplishments, but we will start with the
most difficult part.
Our
lives were reset on April 19, 2013 when our beloved, youngest son and brother, Ian Alexander
Pogue at 19 years old fell asleep while driving and woke in his
eternal heavenly Home in God’s arms. He was the only casualty in the auto
accident. We are still devastated, hollow and filled with incomprehensible
sadness. Ian
occupied an enormous space in our family – beyond his constant chatter, his
ripped muscles, broad smile, big curly hair and even bigger heart that
ministered to each of us – he was our “entertainer” offering variety, humor,
and the unexpected to our family and all those he loved. We did not lose him –
we know where he dwells and with WHOM he dwells – but with his going to his
true Home, we deeply miss his physical presence and all that his life would
have held here on earth.
That said, God
has shown that although He may not answer our “why” questions, He offers
something better – His presence. We are rejoicing that if Ian cannot be here in our
presence:
“In your [God’s]
presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore”
(Psalm 16:11).
Over
the past few months we have discovered more and more of Ian’s ‘ministry’, which came as a
natural extension of his being. We learned story after story from his young
days in Vacaville, California to his last days in Austin and College Station,
Texas, how he valued people above all other earthly things and was a “man of
God” filled with passion for life and relationship with others. How he
listened, counseled, accompanied, befriended EVERYONE
with whom he came in contact. Indeed, 130 of his “best” friends crowded into
our house for an all-night remembrance time a week after his “Homecoming” – we
sang, laughed, told stories, pigged out on pizza – all things Ian
would love. The next day over 600 people decked out in pajama bottoms and
t-shirts at Ian’s
Celebration Service learned of his impact on his family and how the manner of
his life, likened to Stephen, the first Christian martyr, drew people to the
Savior. (There is a link of the service on Lanette’s
blog.) These transformed lives have
and continue to multiply Ian’s influence to minister the Gospel of Jesus
to the world. For example, within that first week his friends and family – with
mom going first! – multiplied Ian’s goal to donate his own hair to Locks of
Love by 15 fold. His support of interns at the Austin Stone was multiplied by
almost 15 fold.
Five
days before his Homecoming, Greg
and Lanette were able to
spend Parent’s weekend with Ian at Texas A&M, where he was studying to
be a physical therapist, and learned Ian wanted to study abroad and see the world,
and he no doubt SEES the world from a new heavenly vantage point, but through
loving friends and family he now ‘resides’ in England, France, Spain, Portugal, Poland,
Germany, Kenya, Columbia, Washington DC, Ohio, California, the Grand Canyon,
Nevada, around Texas (as well as Connecticut, Indiana, Massachusetts, Maryland, Pennsylvania,
Virginia and Korea with tissue and bone graft donations) and will be running his first half marathon with his brother Danny in November with a possible full marathon planned in February 2014.
Virginia and Korea with tissue and bone graft donations) and will be running his first half marathon with his brother Danny in November with a possible full marathon planned in February 2014.
God
has shown his presence through the love of His people, the forming of new
friendships that have been like life buoys to us, the rallying support of our
friends in Maryland, California and Texas, and the closeness of our family. We
cannot say thank you enough to those who sent cards, attended the services
(Muster and/or the Celebration Service), gave us food and Naked juice, visited
and stayed with us, dropped by, sent encouraging emails, texts and Facebook
messages, prayed for us, stood by us, took phone calls with just weeping on the
other end…the list is too long to fully enumerate. Know that each of you that
said “I love your son and brother and miss him” through your own ways have helped
us along the healing journey of our hearts.
God’s
presence has also been shown to each of us – through crazy, unexpected and
miraculous ways (see blog for a longer list with full descriptions!):
·
in
prayers answered as we are in the middle of praying,
·
on
Mother’s Day to Greg and Lanette hearing his voice one last time
(a miracle we really like to tell in person),
·
in
visions and dreams where Ian has said with a big grin “I am okay and I
love you” while giving those big bear hugs he was so good at for both family
and friends,
·
in Caylea
and Danny’s
license plates with Ian’s birthday (NOT requested!),
·
in
perfect tattoos that honor Ian’s life (photos on blog and Facebook),
·
in finding
72 recordings after his Homecoming (in Dropbox account),
·
in a
letter to himself written a year ago mailed this summer,
·
in
more life insurance money than expected to fund missions and school loan
forgiveness to fund therapy and resources for coping with deep loss,
·
and
the list goes on.
God’s
constant presence and care has propelled us all to deeper and more significant
life choices.
Danny, who turns 26 October 17!, moved back to
Austin on Mother’s Day and is living in his own apartment in North Austin. He
is a paralegal at a local law firm and entertains his two cats, Neville
Longbottom and Luna Lovegood, or they entertain him! Danny has made deep friendships at
the Austin Stone Community Church and has renewed friendships in Austin and in
California. He is training to run a half marathon in the Fall as well as one of
those crazy endurance and obstacle races in the Spring – be sure to check it
out below – he is working on an e-Team challenge for YOU. He has suckered his
mom into hot yoga – and now they have regular dates for it! He designed a
tattoo that evokes his deep and enduring relationship with his brother as well
as the hope to “throw the disc” with him again one day and to watch Ian “layout”
as we all know he loved to do, even when it was unnecessary! Danny is also determined to become as ripped as his
brother by the first annual celebration of his Homecoming.
Caylea, turning 21! August 20, is a Senior
Architectural Engineering major at UT Austin. She showed her inner metal as she
finished off a difficult semester with only one B, changed her summer plans at
the last minute from a study abroad in Spain, and excelled as an intern at
Mustang Engineering. She designed a beautiful and evocative tattoo in honor of
her brother composed of five purple cherry blossoms to represent each family
member and a dove that is carrying Ian’s blossom Home. After the internship, she flew
to California to meet her sister Kelsi (returning from her sojourn in Germany),
and then road tripped back with two of her closest Austinites to see the beauty
of the Southwest before driving across the barren wasteland of West Texas back
to Austin! She will be back in school to finish her classes and continue to
enjoy time with her friends this next year and a half. Plan on our next
newsletter to include her graduation date in December 2014!
(From
Greg’s perspective:) Lanette has proven to the “toughest
mother by far” Ian
knew her to be (his words found in a 2011 birthday card). She has led our
family through our grieving process and been a rock of wisdom and strength for
those around her. (From Lanette’s
perspective:)...by mostly showing that crying in public is okay, to save the
wailing for the closet or car at home, and by blogging “One Breath at a Time”
about how much life can suck after the loss of a child while clinging,
sometimes with just her fingernails, to hope – godhelpmebreathe@blogspot.com). Her
friends and sisters have rallied around her, strengthened and cried with her. Lanette was the first family member to
remember Ian
with a tattoo – the cross and his nickname on her wrist – a simple expression
that evokes their deep relationship and her deep faith in God. This will be a
busy year for her—sitting at home is proving too difficult with too much time
to think…so she has decided to go ahead and begin at The University of Texas at
Austin Masters in Public Accounting program in the Fall. Beforehand, she
visited her sister Heather and friends in Vacaville this summer as a decompression
and remembrance time before embarking on being a student again.
Greg
continues to work at The University of Texas at Austin at the IC2
Institute. He often says he has the best job imaginable – working with smart
people, on interesting technologies to accelerate business and benefit people
and local economies around the world. He has taught in Colombia, Mexico,
Turkey, Spain and Poland this year. He continues to work with KBP and is excited
to share in their successful realization of the plant-made pharmaceutical
business. He has made and strengthened friendships to support him during this
time – a time where he has cried out tears to God on a daily basis as his own
love song for Ian
because Greg recognizes Ian
is deserving of great sorrow. Greg
greatly misses playing music with Ian – his tattoo reminds him of these joyful
times and the reality that Ian is playing before the King even now and one
day they will also play again. To continue an earthly legacy in the same
spirit, Greg posts Facebook
messages (see his notes on Facebook too) about good music and how it relates to
Ian
specifically and our family in general. Excellent selections that will give you
new perspectives of the Pogue’s.
We
want to invite you to attend some significant events and share in our
remembrance of Ian
and his amazing life and legacy – as we do with our adopted children from
Austin and College Station. We may have seen Ian go Home to the Father, but we
have gained a dozen more kids in our family who drop in, check on us, and share
in our lives. We are SO thankful for their embracing of the Pogue family and
simply becoming a Pogue while with us.
Look
for an official invite for all these events from “Ian Redeemed Pogue” Facebook
account (“he,” via his parents, is still accepting friend requests):
Silver Taps: Tuesday, September 3, 2013 at 10:15pm in College Station, Texas. Silver Taps is one of the oldest
and finest traditions of the Texas A&M student body. Silver Taps is that
final tribute paid to an Aggie who, at the time of their death, was enrolled in
graduate or undergraduate courses at Texas A&M. It began in 1898 and the
next ceremony will honor Ian among others in front of the Academic
Building on the Texas A&M Campus in College Station. We will plan to be in
College Station for the day and eat dinner as a group at Double Dave’s Pizza at
1410 Texas Avenue, one of Ian’s favorite restaurants, before the ceremony
starts. We may even pond hop after…
Ian’s
20th Birthday: Saturday, December 28. Be generous to one person – whatever
generosity you feel called to give (time, money, energy, support) and bear hug 19 people who need it and
have someone capture the moments with a picture. Then upload the pictures to
Facebook (be sure to tag Ian) and please send to ian_redeemed_pogue@yahoo.com
or upload online at www.dropbox.com – log
in with ian_redeemed_pogue@yahoo.com; password: walkingwithJesus – bonus if you go to the Dropbox account – you
can see all the other pictures and videos others have uploaded as well as
listen to the 72 recordings, including a full length acoustic song written and played
by Ian!
Warning – Ian
could not sing as well on earth as he does now.
Ian’s
Homecoming 1st Anniversary with a 5K Mud Run: Saturday, March 29, 2014
in College Station, Texas. Yes. A. Mud. Run. Ian was into fitness – benching
285 regularly to 335 pounds at max and leg pressing 800 pounds at 19 –
dude was ripped. The Wednesday prior to April 19 Ian participated in an impromptu
5K in honor of the Boston Marathon Bombing to say “we aren’t scared” after a
vigorous workout in which he said he had never been so exhausted in his life. So,
no excuses. You have time to prepare. And if you simply cannot do the run, you
can help with supporting others who will. More info as the date approaches and
we have the e-Team
sign ups – including custom t-shirts.
Ian’s
Homecoming 1st Anniversary with a Spartan Race: Saturday, May 17, 2014. Only for the insanely fit! Sign ups
start now and get more expensive after November 18, 2013. We will set up an “e-Team”
and the bigger Ian’s
team the bigger the discount per participant. Contact Danny with your interest level
before mid-November. For more information: http://www.spartanrace.com/texas-obstacle-racing-super-spartan-2014.html.
Muster: Monday, April 21, 2014
in College Station, Texas. Two days after Ian’s Homecoming Texas A&M honored Ian
in one of the three traditions of Muster – Roll Call. The other two parts of
the service will conclude with a Remembrance Walk and presentation of a Ring
Plaque in 2014. Details, including times, are not yet available.
So
many of you have asked how you can help during this time…well, PRAYER. After praying, we are desperate
for STORIES, PICTURES, and VIDEOS of
our kids, especially Ian. Please take a moment or ten to write out a
story or ten stories, no matter how brief or long, about our kiddos and send to
ian_redeemed_pogue@yahoo.com. We would like to get the full size/best quality
picture or video and the easiest way is to upload online at www.dropbox.com – log in with ian_redeemed_pogue@yahoo.com;
password: walkingwithJesus.
If you want
to do a bit more there were several things important to Ian and his family:
(1) Show
compassion to everyone, especially those who don’t seem to deserve it. Since he was four years old, Ian
never met a stranger - it was always “are we going to make new friends today.”
People and deep relationships were always his first priority, always. As his
family we realize this was Ian’s finest gift in the world and one that
will continue to live on through us to the best of our ability.
(2) Be fit
mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually. Live, learn and LOVE,
show compassion, exercise, eat (mostly) right, REST when needed, and SEEK
GOD. Ian
was preaching to us constantly about God’s word, not texting and driving (we
checked our phone bill and there were no calls, texts or web data an hour
before the accident), not drinking (not even one margarita – really?) or doing
drugs (well, not us in particular, but he complained often about how it was
messing up his friends lives), and getting off of our lazy behinds and at least
walk (mostly to his mom and sister). His mom would like to add that when you
are driving sleepy – pull over and take a nap! Be late!
(3) Donate
· to the tax deductible Internship
Program at The Austin Stone Community Church (Ian was giving $40 a month and he
had no job most of the last year): https://secure.acceptiva.com/?cst=236c60/;
note in honor
of Ian
Pogue.
· to the tax deductible Memorial
Scholarship fund at Texas A&M University set up by friends of Mike
(Papa) and Patti (Granny) Smith at Mustang Engineering (note “Ian Pogue ‘16
Memorial Scholarship”): https://www.aggienetwork.com/give/memorialgiving/.
· by growing your hair and cutting 10
inches or more and sending to Locks of Love, 234 Southern Blvd,
West Palm Beach, FL, 33405-2701. (Send before and after pictures!)
· sign up to be an organ donor. Even
if you have the sticker on your driver’s license, register in your state online.
Ian’s
donation is expected to help at least 40-50 people, but they expect that number
to really double.
· by writing stories, sending pictures
and/or videos of Ian…see note above on how you can help the Pogue family!
We hope by the first of the year to assemble a hard cover book with these
stories and pictures so that his family can enjoy them as they wait out their
own Homecomings. (And, we can make the book available to you too!)
· your own time by walking in the rain
barefooted! Ian
loved the beauty and wonder of rain, thunder and lightning. Enjoy it as he did
– a gift from above.
· one of Ian’s extra t-shirts for a quilt
to his family! I know some of you have more than one…Please let me know and I
will come pick it up.
Well,
we know we have provided a lot of information and we have lots more we would
like to share with you, but for the sake of trees and your time we will end it
here.
For
all your Facebook haters – like us, you have to get over it, even Ian
went through a hate phase – however, it is how people are communicating…and
that is where you will find the most information about all five of us including
a massive number of pictures, stories, etc. You can friend request any or all
five of us.
For
those of you who want to know more about Lanette’s
personal journal through the grieving process, details about the accident, or
about life now in the Pogue home – including God’s work in our lives, it is her
hope her blog “One Breath at a Time” is helpful to family, friends and other
bereaved parents. It can be found at: godhelpmebreathe@blogspot.com.
Other
contact info:
·
Greg
– gppogue@ymail.com; (512) 560-3717
·
Lanette
– poguehouse@yahoo.com; (512) 590-1930
·
Caylea – c_n_pogue@yahoo.com; (512) 590-2152
·
Danny – daniel.e.pogue@gmail.com; (512)
354-6646
·
Ian – ian_redeemed_pogue@yahoo.com; leave a
message with God or his family
The
Bible has great and comforting things to speak to each of us – one of them we have
held onto is Colossians 1:11-12 (the Message):
“We pray that
you’ll have the strength to stick it out over the long haul—not the grim
strength of gritting your teeth but the glory-strength God gives. It is
strength that endures the unendurable and spills over into joy, thanking the
Father who makes us strong enough to take part in everything bright and
beautiful that he has for us.”
Ian had some good things to share (albeit
from a human perspective) and we pray you see his heart and the comfort we
found in one of the last text messages he sent to a friend who forwarded to us
after E’s
Homecoming:
“I know you have [struggles] coming up soon that are worrying
you. Just remember that God is on your side, rely on him and anything is
possible. But also that there is no reason to worry because when you put your
trust in Jesus when in doubt and struggle he not only hurts through the pain
with you but he is the ultimate source of hope to overcome whatever lays before
you.”
God
bless you each.
The Pogue’s
Greg,
Lanette,
Danny, Caylea
and Ian
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