Surviving One Breath at a Time

I pray you never have to walk our path. I pray you never have to walk any kind of path where you experience great sorrow, lament, or loss. I have reflected and will continue to do so and will update this page as necessary to share with you how I have survived, sometimes by just taking one breath at a time. 

(The list that follows is not in any specific order.)

I learned that Ian heard every week in Bible study to "lean so hard into God that should He move you would fall on your face." I am leaning and know He never moves and never will!

I pray. I pray a lot. I pray more than I have ever prayed before. I now use less words and more groaning, crying, wailing, screaming, and at times, silence. I am thankful for a God that has known me since the beginning of time and understands these conversations better than I do.

I read my Bible. I read Psalms. I read Piper.

I tell people what I need.

I get out of bed. I shower. I get dressed and make a list of productive things to do each day. I then tackle my day to the best of my ability. 

I don't nap.

I take medication. I have sleep, anxiety and depression medication. I also have supplements that help override some of the negative effects of the prescriptions and the negative effects of grief. I am slowly weaning myself off the prescriptions as time and feelings allow.

I see a therapist, have tried group therapy and will try again, and am involved in a supportive Bible study group.

I read a lot of grief books. I have these listed on the blog. I follow their suggestions.

I have a “wounded healer” – someone who has journeyed here before me – and she understands more than anyone, including myself at times how to take that next breath and that next step. I do what she says!

I have great friends who listen and listen and listen on a regular basis.

I go to church every week and also podcast a different church service each week.

I exercise – in particular yoga – relaxing, but good for the mind and body. I also play with the dog everyday and pet my cat.

I spend time with my kids and my husband – mostly going to dinner and movies or yoga. I text with my kids everyday at least twice.

I try to comfort those I feel I can comfort – in those times I always feel more comforted.

I donate platelets every two weeks (and signed up to donate organs).

I talk to my husband every day about our grief, our son, our family and how well we are doing moving forward.

In honor of my son I make time to talk to everyone and not rushed as if I need to be somewhere. This has been surprisingly healing.

I cry. I weep. I wail. I scream. And then I cry some more. 

I talk to Ian and about Ian often.

I blog.