I have wanted to write but find I am not motivated. Life is forever different without your daily presence in our lives. Not that you aren't with us, or feel close to you, but we desperately miss the tangible ways in which you chatted, related, hugged, even argued. Everyday but two have been a cry fest between me, my emotions for you, my anger with God, always ending with me asking Him for help, mercy and guidance. I pray your homecoming would allow me to be a bold witness for Jesus.
This weekend we picked up Luna Lovegood. You would like her. She's friendly and spunky. I remember when you picked out Amelia and I had a moment and feel I may have spoiled Danny's a bit. But he was sweet and had Caylea come check on me.
Danny is part of your legacy and was inspired by you, and I have been inspired by him. I know one day I will stand with you arm and arm and rejoice about Danny and all the others you influenced, but I truly wish it had gone differently. I want you here everyday telling me how I'm wrong and then maybe later that I'm not.
I can just imagine you watching as we did Caylea's hair color tonight with 5-6 washings to reduce the color to no avail, to bleaching, to coloring, to a final color that was nearly what we started with!! Shelley was very patient. It is hard to see her heart breaking for you. Maybe she will be a legacy too. Mandi's already talking being part of your legacy.
I love you E. I think you might be able to see my love for you and everyday I see your love for me. Thank you. Thank you God for my little boy. I would have had him again even if I knew that meant 19 seconds, 19 minutes, 19 days, 19 months or 19 years and 3 months and 19 days.
~ mom
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