April 13, 2013 - We are at Texas A&M for Parent's Weekend. We are sitting at breakfast for study abroad and a dad at the table asked Ian where he was going (his own son was going to Qatar in the fall). Ian replied "Texas A&M." So proud!
Grace Potter and the Nocturnals.
...a text from Ian one week before. I didn't listen to it until Friday December 6, 2013. Why did I wait? I also have two movies he gave me last Christmas I haven't watched and several books. Why have I waited?
Stranger...Friends.
I was walking to my last research tax class on December 4 and a sweet, beautiful blond girl was waiting for me outside the door. She introduced herself as a friend who played frisbee with you. The last time she saw you was in Norman, Oklahoma a year before in September 2012 for a college frisbee tournament. She recalled you came running from behind and when she turned around she was greeted by you and a big ol' hug. She wanted to hug me all semester and her mom finally encouraged her to do so. I am so glad she did. I felt you hugging me in that moment. I miss your hugs and am so thankful you never met a stranger and your friends carry you in their hearts.
I've got a big bottom, I cannot lie.
Homeless.
During the first week of this month as I was about to leave Starbucks with a drink in hand when a homeless man approached me. He told me he knew "my son" and was sorry to hear that he passed and that his own wife and daughter had died in an auto accident ten years prior. We chatted a few minutes and then he wanted to introduce me to another homeless man. The three of us chatted for an hour and a half in Randall's about life, about comedians, about all kinds of things. I knew each of them by name from things Ian had said, but now I had faces and stories and their lives in front of me. After an hour of talking I was showing them a photo of Ian and the first man just started crying and kept saying "that isn't your son, that boy is just at school and is coming home soon." It was clear that he wasn't connecting that the "my son" was actually Ian. After a good five minutes of him crying and attempting to convince himself that we weren't talking about the same boy, he shared with me why he was so distraught. Ian had provided him with free coffee, free food and when Ian noticed his hands shaking, with money (for alcohol--both knew, never said). But mostly Ian provided him all of this without judgment. "He was a good kid." In my opinion, he was the best.
Porn Star.
Ian sent me this picture and asked if he looked like a 70s porn star. I replied that, yes, indeed.
Shopping and Sugar.
We both hated shopping. We both wanted to figure out what we needed and where before leaving home, go bag it and get back home. But when we were out we talked and talked and talked. You had an opinion about everything. EVERYTHING. You always expressed yourself and always had to be different--sometimes even if you expressed a "different" opinion that was down right odd or wrong, you would stand behind it. Then a couple of days later it was clear you had been thinking through the conversations and come back and mention that you could see the other side (i.e., admit you were wrong without admitting you were wrong).
You were always the BEST at researching beforehand. But I recall the last time we went shopping for jeans in January of this year. None of your jeans fit well. Your thighs and behind had become quite muscular and all of your jeans became super "skinny" jeans on you. We ended up going to the Domain, Target and finally Nordstrom Rack and found only one pair that fit. They were a foot too long, but they fit where it was important...
We did also shop for sugar containers while we were out (you didn't want to, but you wanted an opinion and so you came along). I had accidentally bought two little itty-bitty ones for $125 (yes, I overspent initially). But we then laughed and laughed when we saw how ridiculously small they were (2.5 ounces...must have thought 2.5 liters?). We ended up at the store Crate and Barrel and you chose the ones we have. I think of you every time I see them. You are literally in and part of every thing in my life.
Good Monsters.
As your dad said - one of your favorites by Jars of Clay. Somethings I have noticed in each song as I listened to it over and over this past week.
- Work - "I have no fear of drowning, It's the breathing, It's taking all this work." These lyrics resonate very strongly with me as of late.
- Dead Man (Carry Me) - This particular song Caylea wanted us to play at your celebration service. It was vetoed by the worship crew...for good reason. It is haunting, but I see why you loved it so.
- All My Tears - Weep I shall, but to be home and free must be something wonderful.
- There is a River - It ends "For all of those nights, you cried all alone. For all of your tears... love will atone."
- Oh My God - "Oh my God, can I complain? You take away my firm belief and graft my soul upon your grief. Weddings, boats, and alibis, All drift away, and a mother cries...."
- Take Me Higher - "My soul is waiting, Lookin for a place to hide, I need a little peace tonight."
577.
My heart hurts in ways completely indefinable when I think of this number. 577 untold stories of a hero.
Selfie.
Ian's last known photo of himself was taken by himself April 17, 2013. Goofball.
Dad remembers...
Ian’s reputation and impact has been seen in many ways. Two brief studies from Muster show the extent of this in the lives of people he knew and didn’t know in the A&M community. One student was given Ian’s hole punch during the room clean out before the Muster event. This student brought the hole punch to Muster and down to the floor – because it was Ian’s! He had to keep Ian close. The A&M choir director who had lead the choir in a series of beautiful songs during Muster waited 20 minutes quietly on the floor of Reed Arena to speak with us. The director said that he had to speak to the family of this young man that he had hear about from his choir Friday night. One of Ian’s friend’s (Tim Watson’s) brothers – who he knew at Great Hills Baptist – was in the choir and heard of Ian’s death. Apparently others knew or knew of Ian in the choir. During a concert break, the word came that Ian had died in the car crash. Those who knew him gathered around to pray, cry and reminisce. The director was amazed at this spontaneous reaction to the death of a freshman not associated at all with the choir. Getting the choir back on stage was apparently a chore. The director wanted to know the parents who raised such an influential person.
Big Brother Danny remembers...
The last night we hung out I was barely able to get off work. I had to beg my manager. Ian stopped by for about 5 hours and we half played video games/half talked about life, love and relationships. It was one of the best talks we ever had.
Sister Caylea remembers...
Ian always got obsessed with different topics. I think one of the most annoying obsessions he had was when he decided screamo was the best music and he would learn to scream. I remember so many nights where I would not sleep well because of him blaring his music in his room and me yelling over the music in the hope he would turn it down. Then he would spend hours in the garage screaming, which resulted in a constant demonic yelling coming from the garage. I remember laughing many times when my friends would come over when Ian was practicing his music and always wonder if a horror movie was going on in the room next door.
Sister Becky remembers...
While driving today I laughed out loud thinking of how Ian used to LOVE to help us TP or saran wrap your cars - all the while knowing he'd have to help clean it up in the morning. That boy was so funny.
Momma Mundell remembers...
I put out my Christmas manger a couple days ago. I remember when you were two years old: you and your family came over one evening in December. I had our ceramic manger under the Christmas tree. You went straight over to it, picked up the baby Jesus, and broke off his arm! Lol. The baby Jesus is fine - nothing a little super glue couldn't fix. But every year when I put up the manger I think of you, and I always will. I miss you E-man.
Aunt Mandi remembers...
I was at your house and Ian and I had found a funny app that told you silly facts. So we both downloaded it on our phones and would read out facts to each other. One of them was that an onion really has no taste it's more the smell you are tasting. So we went to your kitchen, cutting up onions, plugging each others noses, eating raw onions.
Aunt Shelley remembers...
On one of your visits Ian asked if he could have a hot pocket. Of course we said sure. After his first hot pocket he was still hungry. We insisted that he eat until he was full. Well, a box of hot pockets later Ian was full. We shop at Sam's where food is sold in bulk. Yes, Ian ate a bulk load of hot pockets.
Aunt Stephanie remembers...
I miss Ian...I love your smiling, handsome, funny, always talking son. I see Ian IN my kids everyday...and then I see my kids IN Ian everyday...I think of him before and after I make any decisions with the kids. I adore your son. He brought joy and laughter into every room he entered. I love him very much.
Aunt Khristina remembers...
I remember very vividly coming to California and spending time with my sister, brother in law, and the kiddos. .this was the first real time I got to spend with the two youngest since they were born. Well after roughly two days there my sister had shown me several times Ian's obsession over his plaid jacket and sunglasses. He went to take a shower and Nettie attempted to wash then hide the two items, needless to say her attempt fail through after a long diligent argument from Ian who was just a toddler at the time. I told my sister then he was going to do something and be something amazing. He has left his mark on EVERYONE he has EVER met...gosh he is loved and missed by too many to count..love you Ian
Aunt Megan remembers...
There are many memories I have but one that stands out is about Ian's body and how he was good with the older ladies. One night I was over at ya'll's house and I talked Ian into letting me straighten his hair while I wait on my friend, Brandi to come pick me up. I had him sit on the bar stool at the kitchen counter where many of the Pogue's hair cuts, colors, and styles all began. We sat and giggled and conversed about what the girls at school like to do to his hair. We were both in awe of how long is hair looked when it was all straightened. My friend Brandi pulled into the drive way and immediately sent me a text saying, "Who is that sexy guy?" We both looked towards the window at her lights shining through the open shades. I laughed hysterically and showed the text to Ian, who of course instantly blushed with his adorable shriek of a giggle. He was only 15 at the time and she was 21. I always laugh over that and his goofy giggle. That night, I realized just how much he had grown up on me and what a good looking young man he was becoming. I miss our talks, that smile, and that laugh. But forever, I will hold onto his memory.
We all will Ian.
**Stories from friends are being collated! I asked for a few and received LOTS. Coming soon.
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