The Navigator

Ian,

I know I just wrote, but I needed to say hi again since you said hi to me this morning. Hi.

Today as I was driving I noted to Caylea that it is "big pile trash" week and it’s Friday and everyone has had their garage’s cleaned out on their sidewalks since Sunday waiting for the trash truck to come by. And, since it is Friday, all of the “good” stuff has been picked up by driver-bys, so that all that is really left is junk.

And, then on the way to work you joined the conversation to say “Hi” in the form of a Junk Busters truck. I hadn’t seen one in six months and I saw one today after having that conversation with your sister. I knew God let you in on the conversation too and I am so grateful.

Most people probably don’t know that when you were fifteen you started working for Junk Busters. In fact, just like last April, you were growing your hair out and it was bushy when we found out a job was open for a “navigator” at Junk Busters (too young to drive, so you sat passenger and told the driver how to get to people’s homes…not too young to haul trash with those big biceps though). You had an interview within a few days. The day before you cut off your hair, you put together a resume, you borrowed your Dad’s suit and you were ready. I drove you to the interview and waited in the car. Before it even began, the owner (a friend of mine) came out and said that he saw you walking to the door and the moment he noticed you had cut your hair you had the job! Add to that a tie and a resume and he was ready to promote you.

As navigator you learned all of Austin from a “map book” as you called it (hysterical that you didn’t even know it was just called a map since it wasn’t in electronic form). After starting you were near impossible to go anywhere with from that day forward. Back seat driver took on a whole new meaning. But, I would give anything to have you annoying me with how to go where now!

As I thought of my young navigator this morning I found myself in awe of how you just show up at randoms times to say hi throughout this past ten months and I realized this morning it is because of the big Navigator. 

And, I know that in my last post that was filled with all the stuff that comes along with grief, that I put a line in about “hanging on my own cross.” I have since wondered if you understood or maybe even if I had when I wrote it. I think what I meant, at least what it means today, is that sometimes I allow my grief to run to the edge and I don’t reign it in and I am the one who puts myself up there on that cross instead of turning to the One who put Himself up there first.

Grief sucks and I don’t do well with navigators in my life. You drove me crazy trying to navigate from the back seat. I so want you doing that again. But I also realize that I don’t like letting God do a lot of the navigating either. I do turn to Him all the time, but I don’t allow Him to turn me nearly as often. I guess that is something you can be praying for. 

Okay, well I am off to work. Thank you for saying hi this morning--I will tell Caylea you said hi too. We will chat again soon.

I love you,

Mom